Saying "no" can feel incredibly tough
For many of us, saying "no" can feel incredibly tough, especially for high-performing leaders and founders. As a coach, I’ve seen that mastering the art of a clear, respectful "no" might be one of the most impactful leadership skills you'll ever develop. Inspired by Adam Grant’s recent episode on his ReThinking podcast, here’s how you can transform your approach to saying no:
Why Do We Struggle With Saying No?
Many of us get trapped by people-pleasing habits or fear of damaging relationships, yet avoiding an honest "no" actually causes greater long-term damage. Saying yes out of obligation can breed resentment, undermine trust, and ultimately lead to burnout—none of which supports effective leadership or healthy relationships. We are also teaching those around us that it isn't okay to say no.
The Power of Identity-Based Boundaries
Instead of using excuses like "I can't," adopt the identity-focused "I don't." This shift places your boundaries firmly in your values and principles, making your stance clearer and easier to respect. For instance, say, "I don’t schedule meetings after 4 PM to preserve my time for deep strategic thinking." Powerful, clear, and values-driven.
Avoid the 'Maybe' Trap
We've all done it—used a "maybe" to delay uncomfortable conversations. This only prolongs stress and ambiguity. Get decisive. Your directness will be appreciated and respected, even if it's initially uncomfortable.
Mastering the Assertive No
Effective leaders communicate assertively and respectfully. Use phrases like, "Thanks for considering me, I appreciate it. I’m fully committed right now and will need to say no this time." No excuses, no guilt—just clarity and respect.
Pro Tips for Practicing Your No:
⦿ Pre-commit to Your Priorities: Decide ahead of time what aligns with your goals and what doesn't. This reduces decision fatigue and makes your "no" automatic. Adam uses the example of being a no to any request to endorse a book on social media. Regardless of who is asking, he always declines this request.
⦿ Resist the urge to overly explain yourself. Simplicity and clarity win every time.
⦿ Remember, your "no" protects your "yes." When you say no effectively, you gain the freedom, time, and energy to say yes fully to the opportunities, projects, and relationships that truly align with your purpose and passion.
What’s one thing you're committed to saying no to this week?
